I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
