the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My hand turned me down
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
