grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
