He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize