There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
