Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
