omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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