White coat. Heels.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
