Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
