am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
