I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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