No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
