guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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