you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize