i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
