Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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