he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize