Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
