it was like his penis was on wheels.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I need moral support for this bender
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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