Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
