It's Friday. Sex?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
