he puts the penis in happiness.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
