WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
