Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
