I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
