East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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