i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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