Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
