I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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