Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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