...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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