I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
If I die, sorry about rent.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
