I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
