Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
