she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
