he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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