Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
