what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
