In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
