I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
