He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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