Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
