She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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