VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
The feeling are messing with the penis
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I'm really busy with my period
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