I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
