I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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