god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
