im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Randomize
