I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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