I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
