If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
