Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize