No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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