call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
