I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
