I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
