I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize