I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
