Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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