Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
