I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
