life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We need a shit load of segways right now
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
