Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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