One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
