Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
did i just pee glitter
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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