I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
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