I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
