Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
