And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
This is my gift to your gina
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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