dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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