Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
