My Higher Power is John Stamos
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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