I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
