Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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