yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
