I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
