i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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