the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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