I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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