I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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