Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize