were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Sober January is a disaster.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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