I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
