I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
