i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
