I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
