Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
