Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
