operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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