what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
