Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We need to get me chipped asap
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
