There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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