My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
