if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
