Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
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