i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
