i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
