Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
