I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
this hospital has no fireball
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
