The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
