Kiss
Puke
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
