I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
