I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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