just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
