Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
