You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
