I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
