you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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