I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
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