I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
