I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
