hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
