So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
