the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
we're making bets on your personal life
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
